The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
