Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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