I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How's work?
Spinning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
