I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
