It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The air was thick with penises
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
