cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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