If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
