Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize