I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
