Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
