why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
