I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
