As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
