Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
