I am in a vortex of obligation.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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