the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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