So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you bring me the toilet please
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
