I heard we made out
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
