Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
