Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
