Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
