i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
