put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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