The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
