we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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