Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
