so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
