I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
