I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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