i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
