what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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