There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize