I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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