I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
