Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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