i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
