I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
