The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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