i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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