no, he came in my armpit
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
