So drunk its hurt
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
