why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
