just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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