This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
