smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize