if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
