how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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