Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize