Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
