I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize