Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
