you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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