he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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