Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What a dumb baby whore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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