I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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