He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
