God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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