Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
