he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
