I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The air was thick with penises
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
