Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
