Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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