I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
