glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
