I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
