My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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