I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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