Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
